- “Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. ” Elbert Hubbard
I was messing around on the internet the other night when I came across this quote. I like it. My friend who lives across the street once gave me similar advice when I asked, “do you think I over-reacted?” She said, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s don’t second-guess yourself.”
I’m a second-guesser, a middle child.
But it’s true, the quote that is. Our friends don’t usually require that we explain ourselves.
Our enemies will only ever see us through a particular lens. No amount of explaining will change that.
So why do we explain? I guess it’s for the folks in between friend and enemy.
More likely, it’s because we’re somehow not quite confident that we’re fitting in. From an evolutionary psychology standpoint, it makes perfect sense.
Yeah, so I’m trying to explain less, but I still can’t quite get past the need to try and control how others perceive me.
That’s why I would never want anyone to judge me by my MP3 (white trash Ipod) list, my book collection, or the contents of my underwear drawer. Because you know, there might be a ”Four Minutes” (kiss my ass, it’s good song), a Twilight, or a thong granny panties in there somewhere.
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February 7, 2009 at 4:59 am
elecpencil
I’m a big Elbert Hubbard fan and have some of his books and Roycroft copper ware. I sometimes attend an annual summer art festival at his Roycroft campus. The campus is located in East Aurora NY (a suburb of Buffalo) a beautiful little town.
Info:http://roycroftcampuscorporation.typepad.com/roycroftcampuscorporation/elbert_hubbard_quotes/
February 8, 2009 at 12:51 am
sannat98
I realized that as I grew older, I thought that I needed to explain myself, just like you, so that I can control how people perceive me. The people who I explained myself mostly to, were those who weren’t close to me, and in some cases people who hated me. At to my enemies, all the explanations ever did was to cause more drama because, as the quote says, your enemies never believe you.
Thanks for sharing, gave me some perspective
February 8, 2009 at 2:06 am
Nina
“Four Minutes” IS a good song, and anyone who doesn’t think so can ALSO kiss my ass. I was just at the salon today reading some random trash mag that had Nicole Kidman justifying why she had no Keith Urban on her iPod. Why would anyone actually need to justify that?
February 9, 2009 at 12:17 am
blue girl
That is a great quote, Lucy! I hate when I catch myself explaining myself. Sometimes, especially via email, I’ll catch myself “over-explaining” myself and then I’m really on my own last nerve.
February 10, 2009 at 2:05 pm
crseum
Ah, my middle child soul sister. See, now my own dysfunction handles over-explaining in a completely different way. I over-explain to EVERYONE. I ESPECIALLY do it to people Im very close to (as well you know!). I’ve gotten somewhat better in terms of the gray area and the enemy part but as far as the people I’m close to, I do it because a) I know my behavior is odd at times and my thinking is a bit off the beaten track about some stuff, but more importantly because of b) I’m terrified of hurting people’s feelings and/or unnecessary misunderstandings because of misinterpretation. The nice thing is when my people (particularly you!) understand and let me know that while it’s not required, it’s something i need to do for me. Sigh, what would I do without you girl?